tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29345093451436337982024-03-07T10:27:50.720-08:00A Bomb In A Man Costume.a collection.D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.comBlogger142125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-69372226870023038722018-04-05T08:15:00.002-07:002018-04-05T08:15:31.260-07:00I am a future ghost. <div>
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It's been over 3 years since I've posted on here. </div>
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Any other explanation why would be more romantic than the truth, which is that I forgot the password associated with the email account I use for this, and since there's close to a decade's worth of material in this account I couldn't fathom starting a new blog for my writing. So I just didn't write (aside from lyrics for music projects). For over 3 years. Which kind of felt like a piece of me had died, and I was half of who I once was. </div>
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As you can quite imagine, I am ridiculously excited to be back on this account now. And for the half a dozen people still paying attention - thank you, and yes there will be new material shortly. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpPpJI_bH9HXogayJaFL3MB3Ahcx_pNzLqJXX7FeIQYwZx3wcqNJH52l0Wxn7q4_ZpqGiAVpNFmVC5-hgjhv9y9_Kzkh8M8ZvOtm8eUxoHsv65t9_qJxxcgz4d5DwgPXlroMa57v1UAh36/s1600/IMG_1580.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpPpJI_bH9HXogayJaFL3MB3Ahcx_pNzLqJXX7FeIQYwZx3wcqNJH52l0Wxn7q4_ZpqGiAVpNFmVC5-hgjhv9y9_Kzkh8M8ZvOtm8eUxoHsv65t9_qJxxcgz4d5DwgPXlroMa57v1UAh36/s320/IMG_1580.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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The above is a picture I took when I was working on the book / compilation of my work, called SKY SCRAPING. I put it down for a bit, which I should never have done. Admittedly, I got very disenchanted when I had sent it out to multiple publishers who did not show any interest. I know now that reaction was incorrect, but I am still human, and seeing how much inferior poetry IS published on a daily basis out there, I was understandably frustrated. That is not to say that I think my work is brilliant or anything (it isn't) but I know it's at the very least, publishable. I will strive to continue this book and eventually get it published, because this is one of my dreams.</div>
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Again, thank you all for your interest, and keep checking back in. </div>
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.DJN.</div>
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D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-58478741374997731002015-01-06T14:45:00.000-08:002015-01-06T14:45:24.138-08:00the real is struggle. <span style="font-size: x-large;">I DON'T KNOW HOW THE PIECES FIT</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I DON'T</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">they must fit, they have to fit right?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">::pushes the square peg into the round hole, damaging both::</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I don't know how</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">|thepiecesfit| </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">they do, they do, they do</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">never mind</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I'll follow you around our town</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I'll ask you about your day and get spurned when it comes to answering them </span></span><br />
where did you go?<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">WHERE DID YOU GO <b><span style="font-size: small;">WHERE</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">where did you go</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">you used to be right here with me, you were</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">we woke up and went to bed right next to each other, we were born on the same levels</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">and then \distance\ (it) crept in like a fog</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">blanketing us</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">and it stayed there until we couldn't navigate anymore </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">you used to be right here with me</span></span></span></span><br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">you were </span></span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">and as soon as that word came about, it's like your hands became slippery </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">and you couldn't hold on anymore</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;">where did you go? </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">i need you back here with me</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">i need you</span> </span> </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span></span>D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-45308708146455027562014-12-29T08:12:00.000-08:002014-12-29T08:12:40.188-08:00penny for your thoughts. I would like to insert a spout into my head<br />
open the valve and pour all my thoughts out onto your lap<br />
viscous, acidic<br />
and thoroughly consuming<br />
I sit here unable to put sentences together<br />
unable to concentrate and put forth any effort<br />
<br />
when you get like this,<br />
I get scared<br />
I've invested all of this for naught<br />
I've opened up the walls only to be taken by the heathens<br />
<br />
so many times I'm going back and forth between<br />
"I can't do this" and<br />
"I need this"<br />
<br />
please pick one version of yourself,<br />
preferably the one that loves me,<br />
and let the roots grow where they may<br />
because these anxiety attacks aren't helping anyone,<br />
and this roller coaster needs to slow down<br />
<br />
I get scared, I get scared,<br />
I get scared<br />
<br />
we both want the same thing, we just need to find out how to get there. <br />
<br />D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-82627200342712508752014-11-06T09:17:00.000-08:002014-11-06T09:17:10.123-08:00riverbed.turmoil,<br />
the bulge of the river collects the detritus we discarded<br />
on the shoreline, my encampment ages<br />
I can't stop watching the current<br />
and the animals around me sip from the banks as if I wasn't even there<br />
when your rapids become heavy, so does my heart<br />
it weighs me down until I can no longer think to swim<br />
I stop fighting, and I just shut down<br />
I don't want to ride the whitewater<br />
I'm not equipped to grasp the turmoil at hand,<br />
I love you too much<br />
and I'm not a fighter<br />
not ready to hold on while my existence is thrown around<br />
and our dance turns into a duel<br />
turmoil,<br />
I wasn't built for this,<br />
I wasn't built for this.<br />
<br />
I'll wade into the water but I refuse to drown in the flood,<br />
there are a thousand of my corpses already on the riverbedD. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-5997070575128233192014-09-17T07:43:00.003-07:002014-09-17T07:43:45.500-07:00the method actor.the method actor,<br />
the man behind the wall with the pistol and the rose<br />
I took her home<br />
I bandaged her wounds and brought her to a climax inside her house, and left<br />
silence hanging in the air like cigarette smoke<br />
I leveled up, and leveled off<br />
it seems you've been sinking for years now, and I was the only thing holding you up<br />
four letters, in your skull like fireflies<br />
avoidance avoidance,<br />
brick up the windows and the doorway,<br />
the truth is what you say it is.<br />
<br />
the ghost of my tongue will hang inside your thoughts forever D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-47803514971102354602014-08-26T14:48:00.001-07:002014-09-02T20:37:05.684-07:00oh no, oh no.endless smiles<br />
whispers that sound like airliners taking off,<br />
words that hit pavement like artillery.<br />
the tips of my fingers are thunderstorms,<br /> slowly, gently beating rain down onto your rooftops.<br />
<br />
if I told you I saw the future in your eyes,<br />
would you run?<br />if I told you just how I felt,<br />
as if gravity was gone<br />
as if someone finally turned on the light and the way is clear,<br />
spinning out of control and yet moving forward so fast,<br />
gut-punched and drowning in a shit-eating grin,<br />
oh, love<br />
if I told you just how I felt tonight,<br />
would you run?<br />
would you let that devilish smile creep across your face like it does,<br />
and then kiss me? <br />
<br />
just lay back,<br />
let the thunderstorm pass over you<br />
lets just lay here together<br />
I'm afraid to tell you what I see in your eyes<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-7779966413128129412014-08-25T08:49:00.004-07:002014-08-25T08:49:51.409-07:00I can't even.this is the scent<br />
it permeates my dreams and keeps my body up at night<br />
with you next to me<br />
I can't even describe it<br />
shudder tremors<br />
the outline of your nude form sprawling out on my bed, tuckered out<br />
this is the scent<br />
I'm reeling<br />
the valleys are so low, and the peaks...<br />
they're so you<br />
so everything<br />
I love the way you smell<br />
fully intoxicated<br />
I took the time I needed, and now,<br />
I'm looking forward<br />
this is definitely<br />
the scent D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-54184693564035235502014-07-14T20:44:00.001-07:002014-07-14T20:44:08.870-07:00listening to you I swear I'm listening to you I swear I'mhey, your majesty<br />
my knees keep on shaking from fright<br />
once upon a time you said "I desperately want this one to work"<br />
within our pages<br />
my outfit doesn't match, and<br />
I don't know what I'm doing here anymore<br />
I keep seeing you in dreams, I keep feeling you on my skin<br />
memories vivid like the best poltergeists<br />
haunt me forever<br />
you can find me at the church, in the front pew<br />
you gave up, didn't you?<br />
your majesty<br />
I bet you ten bucks you still feel my tongue on you<br />
(sorry,<br />
that's my Ego talking<br />
the one took over and the other one blew his brains out)<br />
you used to be able to find me at the pub,<br />
filling every possible aching vacancy<br />
but I don't know what I'm doing here anymore<br />
I lost you,<br />
and I'm at a loss for words<br />
<br />
I accepted all of you, but you couldn't accept all of me<br />
at least I loved true<br />
at least I loved true D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-53117193531956080552014-06-07T20:32:00.000-07:002014-06-07T20:32:55.238-07:00mercy, mercy. minutes and hours, shaking down the sides of the walls,<br />
raining down,<br />
such a fool<br />
I spew trust on the walls, on the ground in front of me,<br />
so slippery<br />
the lust is thick like hot smoke<br />
burning the eyes <br />
co-dependent child on fire<br />
our children are on fire <br />
disintegrating, dispondency<br />
she never thought she compared, but that's because she was so high above the rest<br />
I would swim in the seas of your eyes for the rest of my life<br />
even if that meant, a few hours until I would drown<br />
I would lose myself in the constellations of the freckles on your body<br />
just push me out into space, let me float forever<br />
the memories of our hands on each other<br />
the minutes and the hours,<br />
raining down,<br />
<br />raining down.<br /><br />I know what love is.D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-43442136549544847082014-06-04T09:08:00.001-07:002014-06-04T09:08:22.755-07:00careful coma.the endorphin surge<br />
just when she says she wants to stab the clock together<br />
order in and just decay/construct under the covers,<br />
better than the first high of any junkie<br />
the toss and turn<br />
the fisticuffs of co-dependency<br />
take the measurements<br />
I don't care how long it lasts, I just need it tonight<br />
and tomorrow night<br />
and every night<br />
marry meD. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-30945096723232639492014-05-27T10:24:00.000-07:002014-05-27T10:29:40.034-07:00the ache.the remnants of you, working its way out of my system<br />
regrets hanging framed in the longest hallway<br />
<br />
you, my heart screams out for daily,<br />
I have to push it back down and pretend you no longer exist<br />
submerge, submerge <span style="font-size: xx-small;">submerge</span><br />
pictures I can't delete but refuse to see anymore<br />
you who's name I can't say<br />
we fought to make it work; I would fight for years more<br />
but I'm leaving myself in the worst position<br />
and I can't handle the ache anymore<br />
<br />
<i>(you, miss intoxication,</i><br />
<i>I'm sure the cemeteries are lined up with the hearts of men you've cast aside</i><br />
<i>arms length and nothing more</i><br />
<i>"ten Mississippi" before I press send when talking to you</i><br />
<i>you're danger in a dress</i><br />
<i>you're as damaged as the rest </i><br />
<i>and I refuse to grow roots when the earth below is loose </i><br />
<i>I question everything when it comes to you)</i><br />
<br />
I, my Mount Olympus,<br />
I carried you in my heart up miles and years<br />
I, I shook and trembled when you took your belongings and disappeared<br />
I died inside<br />
and when you came back into my arms,<br />
when you came, <br />
like coming up for air after asphyxiating for ages<br />
your love like oxygen racing back into my cells,<br />
the searing, burning in my chest making way for your hands all over me<br />
I cried when I held you again<br />
we both did<br />
<br />
I'll always remember that<br />
because it was undeniable<br />
<br />D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-13271978535044732242014-05-22T08:07:00.001-07:002014-05-22T08:07:50.871-07:00blood radiation.the way your scent hangs in the air,<br />
and in the blankets we shared,<br />
so curious.<br />
it's intoxicating. <br />
I feel myself unable to concentrate when I'm in that room <br />
you're addicting<br />
the way you rested your head on my chest and just snuggled in real tight<br />
the way you hesitated twice before resting your lips on mine <br />
like a puzzle piece finding its corners<br />
you spread through me like wildfire<br />
like slow tremors,<br />
working glue through fissures that were once there<br />
multi-colored glasswork hair and a smile that could sell a lie<br />
<br />
you are the most frightening thing that's happened in a long time<br />
instant allurement<br />
this compass is just spinning forever <br />
<br />D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-73903476538769146812014-05-07T09:38:00.001-07:002014-05-07T09:38:09.312-07:00old serpents. featherless,<br />
steps away<br />
she calls me Most Unclean;<br />
Abaddon, Son Of Perdition<br />
in wicked conversations amongst trusted friends<br />
fell from the heavens we did, rocketing across the skies,<br />
leaving a trail of ash and charred memories<br />
<br />
a library of shudder-moves; double-takes <br />
a discotheque of blankets and sheets<br />
on a night like this,<br />
(with lives like this) <br />
you don't stop the song, you just wear better shoes<br />
<br />
I'll keep the music playing, my love<br />
but I've erased your name in the books that matter<br />
abandoned and given up on <br />
abandoned and given up on<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>quitter</b></span>D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-192520442181307142014-04-21T08:06:00.000-07:002014-04-21T08:06:25.214-07:00last breaths. all of my past loves are wrapped in sheets,<br />
dropped in canvas sacks and placed underground, seeding the Earth<br />
scattered like Regret Trees, who bloom constantly and without fail<br />
I'd honestly rather just forget<br />
because remembering is the death of the day<br />
I tore down walls for you,<br />
offered you all of it<br />
<br />
but our dance, no matter how alluring,<br />
almost always ends with one of us stepping on the other's toes<br />
we don't mean it,<br />
we're sure-footed until the music stops, <br />
but I just don't want to hurt you anymore<br />
and I can't continue to feel like this<br />
<br />
because I wait in a vegetative state for months at a time, until I can see you again<br />
and I can see that you're more of a priority for me<br />
than I for you<br />
<br />
it's fine<br />
I've been through worse<br />
I just really,<br />
love youD. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-62426381352552757922014-01-20T09:25:00.002-08:002014-01-22T09:36:47.032-08:00meridian. your flesh<br />
mixing into mine like colored paints, slowly churning into each other<br />
our lips dancing together with the excitement of not having each other's company in months<br />
I hold you as you shudder while asleep, like you always do<br />
I don't mind your sleeping sounds, because it means you exist<br />
next to me<br />
I feel complete again<br />
like I can breathe with 100% of my lungs now<br />
<br />
I love you more than my next breath<br />
and I'll never let you down againD. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-35014094219355377492014-01-10T14:06:00.004-08:002014-01-10T14:06:54.011-08:00I don't want to love like this anymore<br />
because I can't handle it when it inevitably ends<br />
<br />
you've convinced yourself I'm this terrible person that I never was.<br />
to make it easier for you, because you believe liars, whatever. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. <br />
you've given up, when I never gave up on you.<br />
such a tragedy, all of it. my mistakes, and yours.<br />
<br />
I can't handle loving on this level and losing it on this level. my heart cannot take it. <br />
<br />
you think whatever you want to now. there are a thousand pictures with your smiles in them that tell the real story. there are a million memories that tell the real story. <br />
I'll cherish those forever, and I'll hope you find what you're looking for,<br />
and I'll love you forever. D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-9223853504112244992013-12-20T07:19:00.000-08:002013-12-20T07:19:04.667-08:00try to speak, but nothing comes out<br />
blank word bubbles<br />
I'm barely alive <br />
alone in a half-empty apartment with nothing but regret as my roommate<br />
the air is so thick with tension that it's keeping the walls propped up<br />
my love, she's still out there<br />
unreachable by any definition<br />
this pit in my heart feels like a gunshot wound<br />
like a black hole in my chest, gaining size and mass<br />
this silence is deafening<br />
I'm sorry I did this to us<br />
you're all I ever wanted, you're all I still want <br />
I've learned the worst life lesson<br />
I can't get you out of my bloodstream, I don't want to either<br />
I miss every inch of you<br />
<br />
please subdue your anger and find your way back to these arms<br />
that have loved you more than anyone else ever will D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-221419339894796292013-12-13T09:45:00.000-08:002013-12-13T09:45:31.268-08:00the struggle method. and there she comes up again<br />
batter it down, silence your grey matter<br />
put a muzzle on your heart<br />
your co-workers are starting to wonder if you are holding it together<br />
(you aren't)<br />
and there she comes up again,<br />
ten more emails to respond to and the "hold" light on the phone is blinking red<br />
and your eyes are wet, and you can't concentrate on anything<br />
your chest feels like there's a mountain on it<br />
this is your day to day now, and<br />
this is<br />
all<br />
your fault<br />
lunch time but you have no appetite, so go to your car and let it all out<br />
just make sure you collect yourself enough before you go back inside<br />
so they don't know <br />
it's been more than six weeks, when will this end?<br />
has it ever been this bad?<br />
and there she comes up again<br />
how is she doing, what is she doing, who is she with,<br />
the one thing you want to do is the one thing you can't<br />
this silence is the loudest sound you've ever heard and it's killing you<br />
this is<br />
all<br />
your fault<br />
if regret was clothing you'd be in coveralls and a snowsuit<br />
you ruined everything<br />
<br />
I hope she knows just how deep she lives inside your heart<br />
I hope she knows you'd be willing to do anything for a<br />
second chance<br />
because everyone deserves a second chance, and so do we<br />
___<br />
<br />
<br />
D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-4614404853433547352013-12-05T08:48:00.000-08:002013-12-05T08:59:13.923-08:00the blankets we wrap ourselves in.I am a thousand tearful apologies<br />
rolled up in a carpetful of lust<br />
and tossed into a dumpster,<br />
nobody saw us, let's get out of here.<br />
<br />
you are blind anger and irrationality<br />
a temper tantrum in a space station<br />
weightless and frustrated, without voyuers<br />
insisting you are the victim.<br />
<br />
if your goal is to move to the Arctic<br />
it's easiest to pretend cold is the only temperature<br />
that warm never existed at all,<br />
and that summer was your worst experience ever<br />
tell everyone you know how much you hated sunlight <br />
none of those are true,<br />
but it will make the ice that much more appealing<br />
it will close all doors but one<br />
it will make your self-imposed choice so much easier<br />
<br />
you'll never sweat again<br />
never feel the touch of water against your skin<br />
never smell those blossoming colors<br />
no more birds chirping in your ears<br />
but at least you'll be submerged in solitude<br />
protected<br />
because that's what's important<br />
I guess<br />
<br />
we have pictures of your giant smiles in the sun<br />
memories of your best Augusts ever<br />
you're only lying<br />
to yourself D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-54548311652344844912013-12-03T07:07:00.002-08:002013-12-03T07:07:17.833-08:00all the love we leave behind.do we place blame?<br />
at the height of happiness, in the depths of our lowest lows,<br />
flowers left at the graveyards of a thousand lost lovers,<br />
entire city streets that should have been choked with the traffic of our love,<br />
instead abandoned and left in mourning<br />
do we place blame, does it even matter?<br />
at any point in time<br />
throughout our sordid histories<br />
we could have made it work<br />
fought for it with tooth and nail<br />
actually <b><span style="font-size: large;">made</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> it work like how they did a century ago</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">is the one that we stick with just the one where we run out of spirit, or pride?</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I'm as perfect as I am immortal</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>"I never had a halo, I never flaunted wings"</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I only know what my heart feels and what my flawed brain tells me </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">learn and move on</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">try to smile</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I swear I die a little each and every time, I feel too much</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I can't love as hard as I do and lose as much as I do, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I can't<i> </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">don't let the procession march through yet, I can't wear black again</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">this is exactly what I was afraid of in the first place,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">why I couldn't let you in</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">because I knew I'd eventually be here</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">wearing black</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I'll leave a flower for you every week </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">and I'm not blowing out the candle </span></span>D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-78788043534596934782013-10-30T13:07:00.000-07:002013-10-30T13:07:03.620-07:00have at me. <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">CAN YOU HEAR IT?</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">can you hear it? <i><span style="font-size: large;">CAN YOU HEAR IT</span></i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"> CAN YOU HEAR IT?</span></b></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> can you hear it?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;">can you hear it?</span></span><br />
<strike><span style="font-size: xx-small;">because I can</span></strike><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">scratching at the walls at night</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">the cells in my blood, screaming for it</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I can smell it always</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">in the air</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">already in my lungs</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">fists fall away, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">we haven't even passed "go" yet</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">our two hundred dollars have been squandered</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">and our bronze game piece has been smelted</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">we've stolen, gambled and lied our way straight to the bottom</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">oh,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">yes, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">this is the bottom</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">look around</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">the blackness </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">it's yours</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">you created it</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">breathe</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">welcome home </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span>D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-12304085758827087322013-09-23T10:29:00.000-07:002013-09-23T10:29:00.906-07:00withering away to everything.I tore you apart<br />
without hands, without tools<br />
made it so your penmanship was unintelligible,<br />
and tar and feathered your silhouette,<br />
so your promiscuity would be anonymous to the future me<br />
a new old stranger <br />
because I still feel the tremors,<br />
such upheaval, <br />
when your <span style="font-size: large;">Earthquake Love</span> hits a new town<br />
your seismic affection shatters me,<br />
and every other man gripping at the grass to keep from falling off of the Earth<br />
another is undulating<br />
smiling<br />
to death<br />
mistaking the convulsions for peaks, not valleys<br />
Richter Scale reverberations<br />
<br />
I can feel you under my feet, even cities away<br />
I wish I could fly,<br />
if only to not feel you anymoreD. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-51356912427373318282013-08-22T11:09:00.000-07:002013-08-22T11:09:16.009-07:00my glacier.entire landscapes inside of me<br />
petrol veins<br />
nitrates and concussive memories of loves lost<br />
this is a different type of war, a different type of apocalypse<br />
there is no smell of gunpowder,<br />
just perfume residue and bleach<br />
<br />
I'm not sure anymore of anything anywhere<br />
especially you<br />
my glacier<br />
glasshouse<br />
guillotinewife<br />
the initials were pressed into the metal,<br />
but they corrode in the blankets of ice <br />
<br />
I am the soldier in the field, but I do not fight<br />
I lay down my weapons and raise my arms in acceptance<br />
close my eyes<br />
smirk and nod<br />
<br />
this is what was meant for us all along<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-82706861440969139222013-05-22T12:11:00.000-07:002013-05-22T12:11:22.751-07:00born again from the rhythm. she saved my life<br />
I don't remember it, but she did<br />
held my limp body in her arms as she<br />
carried me down two flights of stairs<br />
all ninety pounds of her<br />
all double that of me<br />
<br />
what happened after that? did I walk into the hospital on my own?<br />
did nurses come out and put me onto a stretcher,<br />
like in the movies?<br />
<br />
I woke up<br />
<br />
even that is surprising to say, because I might not have<br />
but I woke up<br />
in a hospital bed, my first ever<br />
psychologists asked me questions<br />
interns, medical students were familiar with me when I had never met them<br />
they knew what happened<br />
I didn't<br />
<br />
I'm sorry, and<br />
thank you.D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2934509345143633798.post-90609631457000713562013-03-06T18:44:00.002-08:002013-03-06T18:44:26.307-08:00heels over head (correct).my <b>love</b>,<br />
when god didn't come home, <i>finally</i>, we became estranged<br />
terrified of inconsistency and the revelation that perfection was dead<br />
my<b> love</b>, we tried to make it work<br />
you were <i>drowning</i> in dogma and I was numbing away certainty<br />
who's shoulders felt more weighed down, after the collapse?<br />
who demanded a <i>right</i> to feel gloom?<br />
I'm sure years later you're still <i>milking </i>these tribulations for all they are worth,<br />
my <b>love</b>,<br />
who <i>abandoned</i> me in my greatest time of need,<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">/they found your conscience wandering the hillsides,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">muttering incoherently and without clothes/</span><br />
they found fragments of us scattered across<i> </i>miles<br />
our legend will be our <i>aberration</i><br />
how we <i>forced</i> the pieces to fit out of pure reverie,<br />
and then were shocked when the machine came <i>crashing</i> down,<br />
my <b>love</b>,<br />
as the years pass, so will my mixed memories of our curious experience<br />
like an animation forcefully made real, given life and then<i> murdered </i>callously<br />
we drew the characters <i>and</i> background in fading ink<br />
oh my <b>love</b>, to whom you pledged<i> death </i>before us ever parting<br />
enduring, immortal, in perpetuum and infinite<br />
I'm sure you <i>drown</i> in concern and compassion from your friends and lovers<br />
I'm sure <i>many </i>men have gained advantage from your woe,<br />
my <b>love</b>,<br />
I<i> still </i>remember you crossing a parking lot in Ohio, in disbelief<br />
I still remember<i> kneeling </i>in front of complete strangers in the middle of an airport<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">/I can also never say the name Rene again </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">or run my fingers down the length of my many permanent scars/</span><br />
you <i>crushed </i>me in ways that Hollywood would spin into dramatic cinema<br />
but the punchline lies within my reach, my <b>love</b>,<br />
because my contentment is pure and <i>abundant </i>and my prosperity eclipses all<br />
my<b> love</b>.<br />
.<br />
I couldn't have made all of those mistakes without you,<br />
so thank you,<br />
in perpetuum,<br />
infinitely,<br />
forever enduring,<br />
for your '<b>love</b>'.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />D. Jonathan Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10819861280914979904noreply@blogger.com0