popsong.

I want to take your mindset that you had when you took this picture
how your heart was so full it was pouring over the brim
I want to remind you
you're never kissing me again
and then tell the you in this picture, the decisions you made
so you can hate the mistakes you made
I should have been gone so long ago
and yet I'm still combining these letters into words into/..
all my life I've been dancing off-time
between lines
I loved your rhythm, I could move to it
I loved our crescendo
but I've built entire temples on the results of my mistakes
and you, you were just 3 minutes I could move to

so much so little so new so broken.

I give you "White Dog" by Charles Bukowski.

________________________________________________
I went for a walk on Hollywood Boulevard.
I looked down and there was a large white dog
walking beside me.
his pace was exactly the same as mine.
we stopped at traffic signals together.
we crossed the side streets together.
a woman smiled at us.
he must have walked 8 blocks with me.
then I went into a grocery store and
when I came out he was gone.
or she was gone.
the wonderful white dog
with a trace of yellow in its fur.
the large blue eyes were gone.
the grinning mouth was gone.
the lolling tongue was gone.

things are so easily lost.
things just can't be kept forever.

I got the blues.
I got the blues.
that dog loved me and
trusted me and
I let it walk away.
___________________________________________________

devastated.

i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over.

"I told you this would happen."

glasses once filled with rum,
still the smell endures and the remnant of cola, now just color at the bottom
her kiss, like scripture; something to believe in
in a manner of speaking, I'm still on my knees with hands together towards the sky
the search for a numbing agent so strong it wipes away all memories of them
those which are now cracks in my tombstone
yes, that search endures as well
for I apparently can't handle the focused intensity by which they break me down
like sunlight through a magnifying glass
slowly peeling back all that sustains me,
that to which our meaningless little lives mostly dwell upon in our cherished hours of the day
looking up at the sky now, seeing nothing, the cold permeating but not affecting,
I find that I need less and less
except for something to believe in
oh, that necessity endures
that necessity, like a dead tree
still standing after so many years, roots firmly implanted in the earth
still fighting against the wind, the rain,
stubborn like it hasn't yet realized its fate
that necessity
gnawing at my heart at all cherished hours of the day
her kiss, like scripture
something to believe in

God, how I need something to believe in

those afraid of movement are doomed to be mannequins.

at the heights of malnutrition
anorexic royalty
I don't even know why I waste my time anymore
your missives, like finding money on the floor
too rare to be considered anything but luck
it's heartbreaking, but I've truly given up
in every way
when the dehydration kicks in, I'll be smoking cigarettes
numbing it all away
eating all the wrong berries like in Into The Wild
I'm starving myself of you
because I'd rather feel nothing than longing
the memories of us like a five-course meal
spread out before the starving
all the crops needed was a little rain

just take a fucking chance, will you, before I wither away to nothing

don't step foot into the bedroom.

I've filled your head up with smoke
I'm not what you think
deploy the decoys
carved out of marble but warm to the touch,
I'm sorry I can't be your monument
swingsets made out of holograms
she's got my heart and she doesn't care
I'm diving underwater and swimming as fastasIcanstraighttothebottom/

never coming up again because you wouldn't let me breathe anyway

birds on her hips.

you always slept so soundly
peaceful as words on a page in your covers
you were my secret forever

the lips turned to teeth too quickly
reasons fell through the seasons
do you still think of me

I crucified innocence
tore my cuticles to hell
forcing you out of my head

I know the sun has set
on the beach we used to lay
I just wish I could hold you again

even if it's just to finally let you go