I will recognize you one day in a crowd.

"contain your excitement.  we don't want this blowing up."
yeah, we've got layers
pain under scabs under expensive fabrics
I send desperate emails rapid-fire
I am the lone bomber with no pilot or navigator
yeah, you've got your exit strategy
kiss the pall bearers at your husband's funeral
march the pain parade
what fun I am
all the words I write mean nothing
to the voyeur in my window, witnessing
entropy at it's finest

and the girl who visits my job saying how attractive I am doesn't notice
my figure slowly fading and my mouth forming the position of a silent
scream

thieves.

godIneedyoutogrowup
she takes a stand through eyelids clenched like fists sealed in tears
oh darling
you can't whisper me away

I am shards on your floor; lost
apathy is only the lack of love for oneself
I only have it for you; love
lost.
I might look stagnant, but every cell of mine is screaming
wheels spinning so fast they look motionless

please don't do this.
knees bruised from begging
please don't do this.
oh darling
they will say any words that will whisk you away
we all but bathe in naiveness
and yours always leads you astray
love
you can't whisper it away

what words to describe the fear that leads me astray;
godIneedmetogrowup
she sleeps so still, so silent, so permanent in my head forever and ever
what will become?
this is a refusal of basic grooming skills until the end of time.
(apathy is only the lack of love for oneself)

oh darling
please don't do this
I shudder when I breathe
I shatter at any thought too deep
I shake myself to sleep
I only have it for you, love

we've been sabotaged at every turn
consider this a white flag flapping
whisper me away
I only had one thing for you;
love

Mayor Of High-Five City.

the arteries are unlit and they lead to epiphanies
we flow with such ease
I steer kamikaze
dark roads, dark hearts, long drives, hard thoughts

when I tell you I just need to be out
there's nothing I'm leaving out...
don't be offended for me needing to clear my head.
I have to find what its like to be alone again.

I wanto know every street in the world
just as much as the locals themselves
my car doesn't judge me, even if im dying inside
it's there and its down for anything I need
anything i need at all

when I tell you I just need to be out
there's nothing I'm leaving out...
don't be offended for me needing to clear my head.
I need to find what it's like to be alone again.

Fate be my driver tonight.  I'm your guinea pig passenger.  I need to
feel something other than this.  Anything other than this right now.
Endorphins will only last you so long.
I'm begging you,
take me away,
take these thoughts away.

gave her two weeks, spent them smiling.

It's getting darker through and through.
Sunset before 6pm, locked in an empty apartment, colder than normal and void of any conversation. Television noise echoes until the sound waves tire out.
I look for the lists of my shortcomings but find only bad memories. I know truth when I feel it, or feel nothing at all.
I've been here before, I remember these emotions. The chills up and down my spine, the moisture in my eyes, the endless questions that no one can answer.
Strangers in my life apologizing for something that has nothing to do with them; it's appreciated, it is. It's been real.
Anyone's hand in mine, please. Comfort me. My embrace in the heat has frozen over and I want for naught except to stay where I'm loneliest.