One thought that has always, and probably will always knock around inside my head is the thought of all the possibilities one life could potentially explore. We only get one crack at this thing called life; a choice you make now could possibly affect you forever. When you were ten years old, did you ever think you'd be where you are at now? Did you ever think you would look the way you do now, or do what you're doing now? Do you ever just sit back and imagine what your life would be like if you had chosen certain paths over others, how different you would be? These are the thoughts that chase away my much-needed sleep every night.
I can't help but let my imagination explore who I would be now if I had made certain decisions in my past differently. I can't help but wonder how I would turn out if I suddenly dropped everything today and moved to Hawaii, or Tokyo, or London. I want to type every possibility into some crazy futuristic database that calculates all of this information, and have that version of myself pop up, with pictures and descriptions and everything. If I had chosen to join the armed forces at 18 right after high school, who would I be now? If I had chosen to stay with my band instead of quit, what would my life be like today? With an imagination as overactive as mine, these thoughts become mental quicksand. Sometimes, I find myself painfully mulling over the most inconsequential of decisions because of the possible ramifications it could cause.
Another cranial habit of mine is exploring myself in every way (and no, not in that "I wonder if I can suck my own dick" kind of way). There's a memorable quote from Fight Club that reads, "how much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?" The same mindset applies to your looks, for instance. Have you ever grown out your beard, just for the hell of it? Have you ever shaved your head, or pierced something just out of pure curiousity? Next time you're in a clothing store, go ahead and try on some outfits that you would absolutely NEVER normally try on, and take a look at yourself in the mirror. It's fun to toy with who you are. If someone was asked to explain YOU as best they could, would it be easy for them or hard? Would they have any trouble at all describing what you wear or what you look like? Personally, I would be disappointed in myself if it was, in fact, a simple chore to "explain Dave Newman."
We only get one life to live. There are so many paths we have in front of us to choose from, it's almost a tragedy we can't explore them all. There are so many destinations to visit, so many people to meet, so many experiences that will unfortunately never be had. I for one really need to make it a point to make my time on this rock a meaningful one. I don't want to be that classic car that's always in the garage under the tarp and never on the road, engine at full rpm. Let's do some driving, just for the sake of driving.
