I'm very frustrated, and I can't exactly put my finger on the reason.
It might be due to my current status of employment, which is basically, unemployment. Although I am trying, it does definitely take time to get a job; especially what I've been applying for, retail management. Any management hiring takes time. First phone interviewing with a recruiter, and then a real interview, and then they pass you on to the actual company they are hiring FOR. You then do a phone interview with the hiring person there, usually a district manager or vice-president, and if they take it to the next step, an actual interview with THEM. Then any other random steps they want you to take, whether it be online personality exams, drug tests, and so on. Only then will you be considered for the job.
Applying to many places is frustrating in and of itself; every single application, online or in person, asks you the same exact questions that get answered in a well-written resume. Most places suggest you have a resume, yet require that you fill out the basic application. Why? To make you want to scream, I guess. Anyone worth their weight when unemployed applies to many, many different companies... that's a lot of dumb, carbon-copy applications to fill out.
As much as I like sleeping in every day, it's kind of scary not having income and not knowing when you will. The hiring process of many of these places is too slow. Also, I don't want to make a bad decision when it comes to my new career. I like staying at places for long periods of time, I'm not the type of person to skip from job to job. So this next place will basically determine alot for the next few years of my life. If I make a bad choice, it's going to weigh heavily on me for a long time. The pressure is definitely real and I'm definitely feeling it.
More than ever, I want to make music again. I see my friends back home doing it, I reminisce daily. I need to get one of these projects going.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
I haven't learned the controls yet.
What do I miss?
Where do I start.
I miss writing music. Performing music. Being in a band.
As many qualms as I had with my previous band, it what it was worth, it was an amazing time in my life. I can safely say that I overcame one of my biggest fears of my entire life, recorded about 2 albums' worth of material, and wrote probably 3 times that. Toured the east coast a few times, had some amazing life experiences. Unexplainable experiences. But most of all, I miss writing and singing, the act of creating a piece of music, a song, a piece of recorded material that other people can take from it what they want. Something that affects someone else, that moves them.
Since I've moved down here, I've searched for a project to latch onto.
Anything.
R&B hooks on some crunk album, acoustic folk, pretentious indie? Whatever, I just need to fill this void. Or rather, empty my filled self into a void. But it's just damn hard to start a project when you know NO ONE. You are merely someone who lives in a state other people call home. I will never feel at home here. I didn't go to school here, I have no friends here other than my wife's friends and my one friend who is also here from NY. I have no roots in this ground. I have no loyalties, no love for this soil, just for my extended family who live here. I have disposable friendships with ex co-workers at a company I no longer even work for. Displaced. My heart aches even when I see Long Island grass and neighborhoods in pictures on MySpace.
I hope to find something to latch onto soon, something I can call my own that isn't disposable or temporary. Something that can make my presence here anything other than alien. And don't mix it up, it has nothing to do with my girl. Because the only thing keeping me warm, even in this tropical climate, is her.
Where do I start.
I miss writing music. Performing music. Being in a band.
As many qualms as I had with my previous band, it what it was worth, it was an amazing time in my life. I can safely say that I overcame one of my biggest fears of my entire life, recorded about 2 albums' worth of material, and wrote probably 3 times that. Toured the east coast a few times, had some amazing life experiences. Unexplainable experiences. But most of all, I miss writing and singing, the act of creating a piece of music, a song, a piece of recorded material that other people can take from it what they want. Something that affects someone else, that moves them.
Since I've moved down here, I've searched for a project to latch onto.
Anything.
R&B hooks on some crunk album, acoustic folk, pretentious indie? Whatever, I just need to fill this void. Or rather, empty my filled self into a void. But it's just damn hard to start a project when you know NO ONE. You are merely someone who lives in a state other people call home. I will never feel at home here. I didn't go to school here, I have no friends here other than my wife's friends and my one friend who is also here from NY. I have no roots in this ground. I have no loyalties, no love for this soil, just for my extended family who live here. I have disposable friendships with ex co-workers at a company I no longer even work for. Displaced. My heart aches even when I see Long Island grass and neighborhoods in pictures on MySpace.
I hope to find something to latch onto soon, something I can call my own that isn't disposable or temporary. Something that can make my presence here anything other than alien. And don't mix it up, it has nothing to do with my girl. Because the only thing keeping me warm, even in this tropical climate, is her.
Friday, February 2, 2007
Only so many minutes in a lifespan.
I am made from a different cloth.
Have you ever, in your life, had the sudden realization that you weren't in the right place? Perhaps you were at a bar and noticed that most of the patrons weren't people you would ever associate with. Maybe, while on a road trip, you chuckled to yourself at the thought of being in a Kentucky truck stop at 3am ever again. It's a sobering thought, exciting, scary, and weird.
I feel like this every single day.
Out of about a million examples, the one that is clawing at me the most today is the frustration I have with the way other people drive.
Is everyone on vacation? I'm not the only person on earth using a car to actually get somewhere, right? Why does everyone, and I really mean everyone (at least in my eyes) driving like they have all the time in the world?
Or maybe I have it flipped; maybe I'm just the only one driving like my time actually means something, and that I value it heavily. Let's be honest: driving already tests your patience, no matter who you are. Traffic, school zones, lights, stop signs, anything that is a hindrance to you and your goal. My long-standing gripe is with those people that make our driving experiences even worse. Case-in-point:
You pull up to a red light, and there is a car in front of you. After waiting about twenty seconds, the light turns green. The driver of the car in front of you does not react right away; they don't even react within 5-7 seconds of the light turning green. Finally, after you and two other cars begin to beep, the driver inches away from the intersection. About 3 blocks down, this sorry parade reaches another red light. Somehow, Captain Apathy is still in front of you. The light turns green, and what happens? The same exact thing.
Do you know how (hopefully) the thought of something like racism or bigotry is absolutely unimaginable to you? How, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't even wrap your head around it? And you become convinced that anyone who is okay with that sort of thing has to be an alien from another planet? Seriously, like not of this world, because any sane, rational, intelligent human being could see the error of this mindset? This is how I feel about these people. These ignorant, selfish individuals who use a public road like their own "lazy river" from a water park, just blindly roaming around as if they were manning a sailboat which has just caught the slightest of breezes, just beginning to lurch out of it's dead calm.
Make no mistake:
Every second they make you wait, every silent-screaming second, is adding up. They are killing you, just a little. They are stealing seconds away from your life. Laugh if you want, but I enjoy having values that are more important than yours. One man's overreactions are another man's strategic victories. A war isn't won with the largest cannon, but rather the smallest dagger. And let me issue my final stance on this subject;
The act of driving is meant to get you from Point A to Point B. If you are smart enough to be an "efficient" driver, than this also means getting from Point A to Point B as quickly as possible. If this isn't your goal and you find yourself behind the wheel on a public road, do the rest of humanity a favor and pull off to the fucking side. Maybe those other people behind you are actually trying to get shit done. If you are bored to tears or are just waiting to die, please do it somewhere else where you aren't negatively affecting the lives of other people who are smarter and/or less apathetic as you are.
Have you ever, in your life, had the sudden realization that you weren't in the right place? Perhaps you were at a bar and noticed that most of the patrons weren't people you would ever associate with. Maybe, while on a road trip, you chuckled to yourself at the thought of being in a Kentucky truck stop at 3am ever again. It's a sobering thought, exciting, scary, and weird.
I feel like this every single day.
Out of about a million examples, the one that is clawing at me the most today is the frustration I have with the way other people drive.
Is everyone on vacation? I'm not the only person on earth using a car to actually get somewhere, right? Why does everyone, and I really mean everyone (at least in my eyes) driving like they have all the time in the world?
Or maybe I have it flipped; maybe I'm just the only one driving like my time actually means something, and that I value it heavily. Let's be honest: driving already tests your patience, no matter who you are. Traffic, school zones, lights, stop signs, anything that is a hindrance to you and your goal. My long-standing gripe is with those people that make our driving experiences even worse. Case-in-point:
You pull up to a red light, and there is a car in front of you. After waiting about twenty seconds, the light turns green. The driver of the car in front of you does not react right away; they don't even react within 5-7 seconds of the light turning green. Finally, after you and two other cars begin to beep, the driver inches away from the intersection. About 3 blocks down, this sorry parade reaches another red light. Somehow, Captain Apathy is still in front of you. The light turns green, and what happens? The same exact thing.
Do you know how (hopefully) the thought of something like racism or bigotry is absolutely unimaginable to you? How, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't even wrap your head around it? And you become convinced that anyone who is okay with that sort of thing has to be an alien from another planet? Seriously, like not of this world, because any sane, rational, intelligent human being could see the error of this mindset? This is how I feel about these people. These ignorant, selfish individuals who use a public road like their own "lazy river" from a water park, just blindly roaming around as if they were manning a sailboat which has just caught the slightest of breezes, just beginning to lurch out of it's dead calm.
Make no mistake:
Every second they make you wait, every silent-screaming second, is adding up. They are killing you, just a little. They are stealing seconds away from your life. Laugh if you want, but I enjoy having values that are more important than yours. One man's overreactions are another man's strategic victories. A war isn't won with the largest cannon, but rather the smallest dagger. And let me issue my final stance on this subject;
The act of driving is meant to get you from Point A to Point B. If you are smart enough to be an "efficient" driver, than this also means getting from Point A to Point B as quickly as possible. If this isn't your goal and you find yourself behind the wheel on a public road, do the rest of humanity a favor and pull off to the fucking side. Maybe those other people behind you are actually trying to get shit done. If you are bored to tears or are just waiting to die, please do it somewhere else where you aren't negatively affecting the lives of other people who are smarter and/or less apathetic as you are.
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