turmoil,
the bulge of the river collects the detritus we discarded
on the shoreline, my encampment ages
I can't stop watching the current
and the animals around me sip from the banks as if I wasn't even there
when your rapids become heavy, so does my heart
it weighs me down until I can no longer think to swim
I stop fighting, and I just shut down
I don't want to ride the whitewater
I'm not equipped to grasp the turmoil at hand,
I love you too much
and I'm not a fighter
not ready to hold on while my existence is thrown around
and our dance turns into a duel
turmoil,
I wasn't built for this,
I wasn't built for this.
I'll wade into the water but I refuse to drown in the flood,
there are a thousand of my corpses already on the riverbed
