What do I miss?
Where do I start.
I miss writing music. Performing music. Being in a band.
As many qualms as I had with my previous band, it what it was worth, it was an amazing time in my life. I can safely say that I overcame one of my biggest fears of my entire life, recorded about 2 albums' worth of material, and wrote probably 3 times that. Toured the east coast a few times, had some amazing life experiences. Unexplainable experiences. But most of all, I miss writing and singing, the act of creating a piece of music, a song, a piece of recorded material that other people can take from it what they want. Something that affects someone else, that moves them.
Since I've moved down here, I've searched for a project to latch onto.
Anything.
R&B hooks on some crunk album, acoustic folk, pretentious indie? Whatever, I just need to fill this void. Or rather, empty my filled self into a void. But it's just damn hard to start a project when you know NO ONE. You are merely someone who lives in a state other people call home. I will never feel at home here. I didn't go to school here, I have no friends here other than my wife's friends and my one friend who is also here from NY. I have no roots in this ground. I have no loyalties, no love for this soil, just for my extended family who live here. I have disposable friendships with ex co-workers at a company I no longer even work for. Displaced. My heart aches even when I see Long Island grass and neighborhoods in pictures on MySpace.
I hope to find something to latch onto soon, something I can call my own that isn't disposable or temporary. Something that can make my presence here anything other than alien. And don't mix it up, it has nothing to do with my girl. Because the only thing keeping me warm, even in this tropical climate, is her.
1 comment:
yo, i had that same LI sickness yesterday. i thought about getting off of 135, and heading down hempstead turnpike past blockbuster, and mcdonald's, and that target, and being able to make a right to head up wantagh towards carissa's or left to head south towards you and brian's where i would invariably stop at that 7-11 to grab a monster and reese's pieces, then head to your place to watch some action and/or racing game played OR just sit and watch comedy central.
it was a real daydream man.
i definitely got that I MISS THAT SHIT feeling.
i think when we lived together, though, was an awesome time, though, man. that's something that i won't forget. it felt like one long, constant sleepover or something. i wouldn't have wanted it any other way. there are things about this place that i wouldn't want to live without.. things that i do NOT regret or wish i could take back.
but there are also buckets upon buckets of what-ifs that still sit in empty drawers of a dresser at home that my family's giving away. things that maybe i needed to say or needed to do that i just took for granted, or left behind. doors that have only been closed because i've been gone for too long. that whole song and dance.
regardless,
you're not alone.
as long as i'm here, i'm going to be letting you know about my days off. and hopefully, they'll always match up with your free time.
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