deductive abhorrence.

I
taught
her
to
howl
I pressed shirts with her words and gave them out to the crowds
the message is in the eclipse
stare directly at the sun until you are as enlightened as the rest
all wearing her words
hurled worlds
use this as a panacea

the boy that sleeps in the thesaurus with a shell of a woman
the Acrobat and the Audience
amplification of clarity and focus / we sorted you out good
sleep tight! larvae to pupae to critic to cannibal
Claude Monet death-strokes
flickering images and the scent of regret
the blur of a fog so dense,
cataract smiles,
paralysis sex,
the forced quarantine of the most popular leper in the world.

your! crotch! is a! shanty-town!
and you shout brief interludes of silence
a mouth void
a caricature of a black hole on a screen, in a huge theater full of nothing but seats
your audience is seats

she
taught
me
to
pray
as I sat there, in my goddamn captain's chair, barking demands at the ocean
I wondered
what it would be like
to love Jesus

I still wear her words at night I swear I won't tell anyone but I still wear her words at night I swear I won't tell anyone and I still wear her words at night I swear I can't tell anyone but I still wear her words at night I try to take them off but I can't, I still wear her words at night promise not to tell anyone but I still wear her words at night oh god please don't tell anyone oh I still wear her words at night and I haven't told anyone but you I still wear her words at night I swear I won't tell anyone but I still wear her words at night, they bathe my dreams in direction

ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner. ruiner.

feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel
for what it's worth
cannibalized the last of you
remnants on my hands and on my face
but I miss you, no
bandages on my fingers
they make it hard to type
I caught you in the wilderness
stalked you
and for a while
for a while you made the earth seem to stop
for a while
you made the trees clean and my bones soft
you made silence so loud
when I held you
freckles like constellations, you were my own universe
but I did what I do and I do it well
this mess
can't be cleaned up
by anyone

get off your high horse.

Hey, all. one of the poems from this blog has been featured on the front page of Haggard & Halloo Publications today. "octopus."

check it out here: http://www.haggardandhalloo.com/2012/03/10/octopus/

Thanks for the continued interest and support.

- DJN

mis.tress

when I told you I was covered in Black Nail Polish and swimming
deep-like
struggling against wood grain and lapsing
(come coma with me!)
I wasn't lying
but amidst a valley of screams you couldn't hear anything wrong
I gave you the latitude and longitude
and you handed me back a compass covered in feces
shrugged your shoulders,
and walked off of the Earth

a trash can filled with tissues

I don't even want your shadow in my night if it's going to be that vague

truthfully, I'm just a boy who likes falling in love.

[redacted]

the world
the entire world a clenched fist, skin turning white from pressure
vibrating, almost humming
I held it up on my shoulders, arms
like a drugged Atlas,
mumbling profanity and blaming only what he holds

and when The Man said the word regret,
and that I should forgive myself,
oh those arms became so weak
lactic acid building up in those muscles and
we reached the point of failure

secrets like blood in your stool, like
thievery and abuse
what you thought was mildly unlikeable like cheap potpourri
became all-encompassing
became a gas chamber
became Hell and vegetables to you

and if I should forgive myself,
who will erase the memories
the daily/hourlys
what otherworldly, imaginary device will help me to forget
just how evil I was
back then
when I only loved one thing
and it wasn't you

astaire.

this must be some type of anorexia
I can no longer fathom words
too much time
it takes
to think

something is wrong

this brilliant mind has stopped breathing
this must be some type of disconnect
burnout fold in
the edges are burning
the burns are creeping in from the outside
there isn't much time left
we creep like smoke in a vacuum
don't try to stop me from leaving this way

the eclipse happened, and kept happening.

the obscured obscene
I detailed the events of our rise and fall in the older issues,
flipbook heart,
this is how I remember.
each one like a war, lost or won (very few)
each one like a life, burned through and used
the one thing I remember about you is
how addicted I felt
I just wanted you around, always
breathe the air together in the same space
to have our bodies parallel horizontal always, my arms
wrapped around you like a tourniquet
your warmth
permeating me like my own little sun,
and I could bathe in you forever,
and we orbit each other,
silent dancing in the vast vacuum of cold
but we are not
.
forever is always just a word
and words are just lines
and lines are just straight
and straight is direction
my direction is forward
with you without you, I break away
I really, really do want you
but I don't need you
any of you










there are those that love, truly love, and then those that just play the role they are supposed to.
but never know the difference.

conversation topics.

hey dear. I've been meaning to tell you something. sit down, let's discuss.
no longer a table for you to place delicate instruments/
acting out, our dance moves
our kissing pictures are underwater
i found A. WAY. OUT
don't tell me you don't dream in my name/
oh, we rained it down
give us some god damn applause
once in a lifetime kind of
but I've seen him now
takes the magic out of it a bit, don't you think
he ain't shit just like the last one
but there was always that one night
distance and time like a telegraph
everything gets unfocused, gritty
but i still know
everything
about you
don't i

wraparound nights and you dropping out
i now dream in halogen
you've been bleached out
if I'm still unhappy at least i rode in on it, victorious-like

truthtruthsaytruth.

you've no reason to sleep over any longer, my body has lost it's warmth long ago
how dare you not notice and continue on
trying to wake the dead
I've got a demon in my mouth
he takes his escape down south and comes up when I try to breathe
he's done wrong to everyone I love
and boy is he just getting started
I can't go on, witnessing through tear-choked eyes what he does, unable to help
hands like old jazz songs
a body like a sailboat, using your breeze
run far far away from this boy, he's meant for nothing but to facilitate the collapse
branded long ago
a friend once told me I love too hard
I can't handle the aftermaths any longer, so submit me to the ground
numb me out
I'll take the demon any day over being let down again
it's almost orchestral
the crescendos rise and fall to a chemical beat
the way it disperses, slowly, my senses on fire
I am not me anymore
turn away from this
you can remember me in my words and my voice
this last decade was a fucking sham