shouts from the mezzanine.

my skin needs you

when we fall asleep with the windows open
at 4am when the world is on mute
the air is a crisp, raw type of cold
the blanket that envelopes us can't get any more important
I try to convince myself that I don't love you

because I can't need anyone again
not like that

I find my way to the opening and close it down
cover it with makeshift drapes so
we get a slight reprieve from the eventual sun
I urinate and return;
my limbs jigsaw into yours
back under where it's eternally warm
and my heart
almost
feels safe once again
we've got a few more hours before this is over, so I'll pretend like I'm still able
I'll press my lips against your unconscious body
and I'll be carried away

no one likes not being able to dream

flag-waver. black. nothing left in his lungs.

emphatically pausing
jingoist of the heart
all things red, heavy red
like as if the world was weighed down by blood rushing to its skin
eschewing all things corporeal for a goddamn fantasy
acted out in three parts
get real, get really real
get so real you stop dreaming and start planning your funeral

baby you're a door frame with no walls on either side
what's the point
I loved you until the fortifications broke and the invaders rushed in
I loved you until I heard narration about us in the background every time we were together
your words now are so saddeningly ambiguous
they are destined for the daytime television you love so much

it seems that we
as a people
are fearful of becoming something special
together or apart

I'm aghast at the thought of not being /ABLE/ to let you go

dirtynouveau/youstolemysoul

dust, dead skin; vacuum of space
we shut down all priority systems
this axiomatic conclusion eluded us all this time
you disembarked and set us adrift
cold, crushing
the scent of nothing
I passed the time counting stars and wondering when you'd show

what we felt next was a heavy shuddering
it slowly passed
but my heart and my lungs kept the rhythm
soon my body became rubber
time was sound
light was love
and you were my Sun; my every Sun in the world
My World
then sshhhhh.
.
.
just wait.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
you disembarked and set us adrift
years from now I'll be a curiosity and you'll be etched
onto the sides of me
hatch marks
what was once,
what once was.
light years away, I can still feel you at the controls

please send us home
please send us home.

I don't miss you anymore. you were a means to an end.
you were lucky that I fell through the rabbit hole and thus, fell for you.
you were lucky that a guy like me gave it all to the *idea* of you that you couldn't follow through with.
I'll be smarter next time.

years like a gravitron.

I worked clockwork behind a bent door
quiet quiet so you couldn't hear the goings on
here's the sin
steeped in gravity and ejected for an hour to re-up, return
then etched back into the bed to cocoon and release
the speed is not at which they recommend
the times spent with your lips are the only in slow motion
ricochet around the time slots
you're just a replacement for a replacement for a replacement/
repl//ac/e
replenish refill
I have no idea where my compass is
I can't see anything anymore
I can't hear you
my nerve endings are shot from overexposure, please remind me I still exist
please please please please please remind me
oh god

we gave like they all do.

I feel like burn victims feel
ghost pains
we've removed the lesion but it's still there
sedative season
freshly painted walls surrounded surrounded surrounding
sounding like echo verbs
sounds like
put the clasped hand to your ear and tell me if you still hear
my voice
my touch to the small of your back, up along your spine
graft my memories of you onto another
emergency room love
I'm just concentrating on
you not existing anymore
every piece of me in my room no longer knows your name

do you get it now?

popsong.

I want to take your mindset that you had when you took this picture
how your heart was so full it was pouring over the brim
I want to remind you
you're never kissing me again
and then tell the you in this picture, the decisions you made
so you can hate the mistakes you made
I should have been gone so long ago
and yet I'm still combining these letters into words into/..
all my life I've been dancing off-time
between lines
I loved your rhythm, I could move to it
I loved our crescendo
but I've built entire temples on the results of my mistakes
and you, you were just 3 minutes I could move to

so much so little so new so broken.

I give you "White Dog" by Charles Bukowski.

________________________________________________
I went for a walk on Hollywood Boulevard.
I looked down and there was a large white dog
walking beside me.
his pace was exactly the same as mine.
we stopped at traffic signals together.
we crossed the side streets together.
a woman smiled at us.
he must have walked 8 blocks with me.
then I went into a grocery store and
when I came out he was gone.
or she was gone.
the wonderful white dog
with a trace of yellow in its fur.
the large blue eyes were gone.
the grinning mouth was gone.
the lolling tongue was gone.

things are so easily lost.
things just can't be kept forever.

I got the blues.
I got the blues.
that dog loved me and
trusted me and
I let it walk away.
___________________________________________________

devastated.

i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over. i write the same things in different words over and over and over.