heartropics.

bled out on the street, the street you took to get to me
manicured nails on my back
faint remnants of a voice I used to know
I'm so frustrated that I emailed you that night I wasn't in control
she's just like you
she found her way in and I can't get her out

when you loved your baths, and had me jump in
entangled
from the window we saw paradise, from inside we lied
textbook concern; passerby acknowledgement
I feel it in my veins
treasure maps never found again, I lost my chance

you spin me around underwater and make me find the surface whenever you throw your words at me. I'm Antarctica without you; any of you.
I see tragedies on the television and feel nothing
I feel amnesty in my bones, take off running

graduate cylinders, test tubes shattered on the floor
these fluids were never meant for experimentation
your centrifuge has spread my atoms straight to hell

the nasty, the imminent.

when I was in the bathroom
crushing up a little blue pill and inhaling the remains
you were in my bed and naked
waiting for your high to come back
we're all just junkie variations
apparently you kicked your habit
congratulations
never have I loved playing the role of chemicals so much
flawless role reversal
what great chemistry
you've moved on to a new high
but it'll never be the same
you'll be chasing the dragon for the rest of your life
you'll end up coming back like they all do
your realization will be cold sweats and tremors in bed
but I don't care for your withdrawl, because you deserted me

there's something terribly wrong with you
there's something terribly wrong with you

octopus.

as she slept next to me, this complete stranger
I figured something was either under construction or about to crumble
either way, at least it was movement

I don't tell people my dreams because they aren't,
and all the trauma I've felt boomerangs back around at night
bookmarked into grey matter

I woke up next to her but I wasn't really waking up
she was already awake and choking me
slowly muttered the words "I have a cousin"
we were in my bed, in the dark, in my apartment - just as we were in my bed, in the dark, in my apartment
I remember that, and then mad scientists
I remember that, and then running

I woke up expecting hands around my neck
a sort of endless loop of desperation and inevitability
I love the intelligent conversation, the warm body next to me, the curious nature by which she goes about the littlest things, the fact that she's flawed and outstanding and she glows like flame in the woods, but

I still woke up expecting hands around my neck

motherfuckers, part XXVII.

how does it feel to have never had dirt on your hands
currency-revolving life
you're a drawn-in stick figure in expensive mens clothing
your bankroll won't transcend the cemetery
characterless like an unmarked grave
the most expensive vanilla is still vanilla
the method of how it gets to your mouth is futile
silver spoon-fed baby boy
you'll never really live

mead composition.

I don't need to be overly intellectual, esoteric or wordy.
I'm not trying to impress, these words often go nowhere but back around again.

All I know is that I love you like the blind love sound.

and that's it.

on second thought, let's stay in.

a myriad of images, your shape, your relentless smile
slowly fading out like 1920's photography
scratches up and down the picture, burn holes through the negatives
beset by our deep sea blanket dives
you seized me
I can't get the scent off no matter what soap I use
even she couldn't get this far in, or maybe it's just the timing
everything is timing
you played dead and watched the crowd weep
mostly selfishness with a bit of ignorance and lust for good measure
dangerous
who are you and where did she go
and when will I find her
just remember, you made them weep,
and you're still breathing

terrible, terrible liar

that burns twice as bright,

gnashing;
my fingers are frustration white
and in the picture you gave me I see honesty
your eyes avoid the shutter but the flash reflects off of your heart
bruised knees and swaying trees, it's out there
the explanation game
high and dry is the fashion trend
you went off the script and improvised
aw, baby girl
where's the message I'm looking for
I'm planning on having you as a big part of my future
yeah, this crooked smile is anything but.
who would ever do this

who

flammable heights.

we could have never caught fire at that altitude
we couldn't
someone brought us down to flammable heights
and I'll never know where you go
at this point we could walk past each other in the street without a word
swapping tender perfection for cold beds
it won't stay this way forever
when you know I don't exist for you anymore
that's when you'll come to second guess yourself
someone put fuel in the water hose
slashed the tires on the truck
put the firemen on sedatives and hypnotics

I'll hold a note for you as long as I can until my breath runs out
and when my lungs burn and my veins are trying to escape
you're either oxygen
or you're not

little devices, tunnel lights.

you make me feel crop circles
stranded in stains
I'm a mess; shattered organs and entrails strewn across all rooms
supposed giants of emotion
but how can this be when we're as simple as sugar water
these are camcorder memories and they never end well
you're gaseous, entering and exiting
you're shadows on my cranium
you can make your own notch on my bedpost
if that's all you wanted it to be

Medusa stared at herself and turned into stone, when all I wanted was for her to speak

ended up staying for more than just the night.

baby just put me to sleep
we'll look this good regardless, just put me to sleep
whether it's my fingertips on your skin
or the lie you've been living in
when I'm this deep I either drown or come up for air
baby I try so hard
I break records with the effort
the songs won't ever stop
but I can change lyrics
so watch your step
and baby doesn't like it when I smoke
she's light through a prism
but with or without I'm still making history
watch your step