our embrace is a slow leak in an old faded tire
long blades of grass billowing out from under it like frozen smoke
this field, these breezes, we own nothing
everything decays

precarious.

if I must be honest
I'm scared of turning it on because I won't be able to shut it off
my eyesheartmind
fear, real to the touch, but like words on a page
dysfunction breeds the most irregular of receptions

and if I can hear you breathe, I can see you smile tonight
and that's quite alright
we're in the lobby just waiting for a room
we're planting seeds just waiting for a storm
we speak our true language alone and all in good fun

and those who tear up maps will be likely to stay lost
even though we scatter bread crumbs on the trail for them

this padlock is metallic and cold
all I ask for is just the littlest bit of a sunrise so I can warm my hands for you

please be a rapture
grace defined
you're in bed and you're just waiting for the light
and we all still believe in fairy tales, even a little.

the stories we tell are always censored.

alright I'm going to let this channel through me like humming voltage
crossed word wires hung up on stakes like the heads of the defeated
you speak nothing but blasphemy
and by the time the sun has set you'll be hung for it
the only thing you can do with a horse that has no pulse is bury it or eat it
either way we're losing time here
fucking
ticking
clock
there's mud in my socks and my feet are cold, I want to go home
I'm not crossing the river with you
you let the fire go out
all it needed was some goddamned kindling
you let the fire go out
there's no police force out here to govern except for our own morality
and right now my perception is skewed
because I see you as tuberculosis and carelessness
pneumonia and dangerous potentialities I am disinclined to allow
partner
telegraph this to your kin
we invite the Devil into our own house before he acts out
I've had enough of snake oil salesmen

learn to feed a fire before you
venture out again

never a thank you.

just don't let anyone see that we're running
we don't want to cause mass hysteria. but
the vehicle being used for transportation stops tonight
I won't let her go any further, seeping melding permanent style
these magnets won't attract
the planet must be dying
is this the aroma of fear? because I'm no predator
the concept we sketched out included gas masks and bodybags,
and here you are with a to-do list and mediocrity
and it seems to me that your eyes keep themselves unfocused forever
at least not on me
that much is for sure
for security purposes, we're putting up velvet ropes tonight
unsure if I care that you don't care
unsure if you know what that word means you keep using
or muttering under your breath, it feels like
which is not how it's supposed to be used because then the meaning changes
upon further inspection, these cracks are fine!
let's just leave
quickly
just don't let anyone see that we're running

your choice is fish.

i am the one man neurotrain asphyxia
convulsion; the moment as enormous
irritate; irritate
my signature is left in letdowns and barely audible sighs
ask too many questions, leave my body for hoursdaysyears
keep quietquietquiet

come off it now

the aroma of sex, sweat and indecision
I dimmed the lights as far down as they could go and it looked like heaven was burning, but just a little
you were moving in the shadows, I was being haunted
I didn't ask for this
you make me feel like I'm terrible at everything
keep quietquietquiet
months from now there will be failure and hours from now
the most expensive frame on a picture of something that never existed
this should be fun

she wore costumes.

there was this girl Alexandra with a tattoo of her ex-boyfriend's initials on her, just above her pubic hair and just below her beltline

the night after my wife left me for the first time, we smoked marijuana, did cocaine and then fucked in my marital bed
what a curious girl
strong jawline, short hair, loved everything alive and dead
I reminded her of her ex
she couldn't stop staring at my eyelashes
oh Alexandra
she said I made her alive
we stayed up all night and talked incessantly until our bodies spoke
my heart was fathoms away, I apologize Alexandra
Alexandra
Alexandra
you knew the entire story
what was going through your mind
I didn't have the heart to tell you I didn't have the heart
I was just aching bone and sinew
I was a corpse with one last night in town
you had what I needed and I took it

Alex, I'm so glad you're still smiling in the pictures I see of you

pictures of her with birds. (scene stealer part two)

through dripping mascara and eyeliner
you once accepted this life laid out before us in nothing more than whispered words
within recent dreams, I get up from off of my knee
and just walk away
out of the Terminal and back into the plane
nothing will ever be the same now like nothing was ever the same since
phases like dirty seasons never clean never static
please
get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head
you don't deserve
____________________________________________
you don't deserve any of it
you never did
quitter
neither did I
quitter
I sit on the banks of where bodies of water meet land, forever staring out
knowing out there somewhere
there is a living breathing organism that I forever and ever can't shake off
two fingers on the underside of where my jaw and neck meet
checking, feeling
indeed I still exist, so as must you
I don't believe in much of anything anymore because you believed in all of it
including us
I'm not chiseled out of stone but I swear I'll never stop trying

he said my mistake was self-improvement
I said don't worry, it never sticks

and I took it off of the finger and tucked it away
cast never-ending letdowns out to sea

(I think that boy's gonna swing soon)

barstool academy.

chatterboxes, the lot of you
chatterboxes
chatterboxes chatterboxes chatter bo xe s

restless ego syndrome.

I believe your acumen is somewhat flawed
your shrewdness is godlike at times to those lesser than thou
(don't you think I know this)
and yet
transparency takes you from the clouds back down to the dirt where we all reside, eventually
submerge yourself until you have depth?
that's not
how it works
good god
casting judgment is the easiest of all sins
so
fucking
easy
makes me want to sigh for miles
I've lived lives you'll only read about
you're playing with sticks, making rivers in the mud
on the banks of the Mississippi

you have yet to get the process down
but I wholly admire your struggle
because I love you

notice of intent. notice of intent. notice of intent.

wrecked the box I came in
took a wrong turn somewhere
torn,
faded labels and traded hands for decades
this shipment is very late
shaking; microphone cords wrapped around my neck
sweat-induced labor
remember me for the last time, yeah
call out my name from the back of the room
self-induced dead celebrity status
this coma smells like you
pieces of myself left in hotel rooms across the country
a study in abattoir of the mind
"such beautiful penmanship" were the words she uttered as her eyes took me apart and put me back together again, sorted neatly in the package and taped together. I wrote my own name and left the address blank, chances are I'll know where I am when I get there.
Yeah I write hooks like right hooks (one, two stick and move)
if you won't play with me I'll create myself some imaginary friends
name them after my flaws
we'll start a nation
The United Mistakes
and I'll keep it together this time I swear
no more border jumping

heartbeats are gunshots when your mind isn't right and you can't feel your body and your pupils are runaways and your extremities flake off and fall to the ground around you like rocks around a campfire. laser light shows and planetarium kisses. this is what it feels like to float on.


I'll be in this fucking basement until I die