never a thank you.

just don't let anyone see that we're running
we don't want to cause mass hysteria. but
the vehicle being used for transportation stops tonight
I won't let her go any further, seeping melding permanent style
these magnets won't attract
the planet must be dying
is this the aroma of fear? because I'm no predator
the concept we sketched out included gas masks and bodybags,
and here you are with a to-do list and mediocrity
and it seems to me that your eyes keep themselves unfocused forever
at least not on me
that much is for sure
for security purposes, we're putting up velvet ropes tonight
unsure if I care that you don't care
unsure if you know what that word means you keep using
or muttering under your breath, it feels like
which is not how it's supposed to be used because then the meaning changes
upon further inspection, these cracks are fine!
let's just leave
quickly
just don't let anyone see that we're running

your choice is fish.

i am the one man neurotrain asphyxia
convulsion; the moment as enormous
irritate; irritate
my signature is left in letdowns and barely audible sighs
ask too many questions, leave my body for hoursdaysyears
keep quietquietquiet

come off it now

the aroma of sex, sweat and indecision
I dimmed the lights as far down as they could go and it looked like heaven was burning, but just a little
you were moving in the shadows, I was being haunted
I didn't ask for this
you make me feel like I'm terrible at everything
keep quietquietquiet
months from now there will be failure and hours from now
the most expensive frame on a picture of something that never existed
this should be fun

she wore costumes.

there was this girl Alexandra with a tattoo of her ex-boyfriend's initials on her, just above her pubic hair and just below her beltline

the night after my wife left me for the first time, we smoked marijuana, did cocaine and then fucked in my marital bed
what a curious girl
strong jawline, short hair, loved everything alive and dead
I reminded her of her ex
she couldn't stop staring at my eyelashes
oh Alexandra
she said I made her alive
we stayed up all night and talked incessantly until our bodies spoke
my heart was fathoms away, I apologize Alexandra
Alexandra
Alexandra
you knew the entire story
what was going through your mind
I didn't have the heart to tell you I didn't have the heart
I was just aching bone and sinew
I was a corpse with one last night in town
you had what I needed and I took it

Alex, I'm so glad you're still smiling in the pictures I see of you

pictures of her with birds. (scene stealer part two)

through dripping mascara and eyeliner
you once accepted this life laid out before us in nothing more than whispered words
within recent dreams, I get up from off of my knee
and just walk away
out of the Terminal and back into the plane
nothing will ever be the same now like nothing was ever the same since
phases like dirty seasons never clean never static
please
get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head
you don't deserve
____________________________________________
you don't deserve any of it
you never did
quitter
neither did I
quitter
I sit on the banks of where bodies of water meet land, forever staring out
knowing out there somewhere
there is a living breathing organism that I forever and ever can't shake off
two fingers on the underside of where my jaw and neck meet
checking, feeling
indeed I still exist, so as must you
I don't believe in much of anything anymore because you believed in all of it
including us
I'm not chiseled out of stone but I swear I'll never stop trying

he said my mistake was self-improvement
I said don't worry, it never sticks

and I took it off of the finger and tucked it away
cast never-ending letdowns out to sea

(I think that boy's gonna swing soon)

barstool academy.

chatterboxes, the lot of you
chatterboxes
chatterboxes chatterboxes chatter bo xe s

restless ego syndrome.

I believe your acumen is somewhat flawed
your shrewdness is godlike at times to those lesser than thou
(don't you think I know this)
and yet
transparency takes you from the clouds back down to the dirt where we all reside, eventually
submerge yourself until you have depth?
that's not
how it works
good god
casting judgment is the easiest of all sins
so
fucking
easy
makes me want to sigh for miles
I've lived lives you'll only read about
you're playing with sticks, making rivers in the mud
on the banks of the Mississippi

you have yet to get the process down
but I wholly admire your struggle
because I love you

notice of intent. notice of intent. notice of intent.

wrecked the box I came in
took a wrong turn somewhere
torn,
faded labels and traded hands for decades
this shipment is very late
shaking; microphone cords wrapped around my neck
sweat-induced labor
remember me for the last time, yeah
call out my name from the back of the room
self-induced dead celebrity status
this coma smells like you
pieces of myself left in hotel rooms across the country
a study in abattoir of the mind
"such beautiful penmanship" were the words she uttered as her eyes took me apart and put me back together again, sorted neatly in the package and taped together. I wrote my own name and left the address blank, chances are I'll know where I am when I get there.
Yeah I write hooks like right hooks (one, two stick and move)
if you won't play with me I'll create myself some imaginary friends
name them after my flaws
we'll start a nation
The United Mistakes
and I'll keep it together this time I swear
no more border jumping

heartbeats are gunshots when your mind isn't right and you can't feel your body and your pupils are runaways and your extremities flake off and fall to the ground around you like rocks around a campfire. laser light shows and planetarium kisses. this is what it feels like to float on.


I'll be in this fucking basement until I die

vomistress.

and for the betterment of all Mankind, I walked/ran/raced through concrete and brick
centuries-old dirt and grime
people whose names were obviously in italics,
what an extraordinary-looking sundress,
until I came to the beginning of the end of the beginning doing laps around the fucking makeshift box hole that you call a cityscape
the curvature of her smile down the length of my rusted collarbone and back again
discarded antics
your words at me like the shelling of a small, cozy town from the harbor
and my estuary carries Intention to Functionality
shit girl, I can smell love in the kitchen
but he's using a microwave and your ingredients are expired
muttering false positives and carrying carrion
you're a bumper sticker
and the last line I replaced with this one because it was too honest

if you listen closely enough, you can hear the sounds of padlocks on the front door and a window shattering inside.

needle tracks.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
when I remember that you exist
I want to shut off my five senses
peel off all the skin you kissed
.
.
.
.
.
...
.
.
.

we had dinner together.

hey dead scenery, make my life style
blessed pregnant windshields
I'll race you
yeah, my time travel agent
my screen savior
bring me back to the introduction so I can end the scene
trees flickering past like spokes on the rims of a dead exit
baby, I'm a ghost town
just walk right past me and pretend to not exist
inherent danger on the outside, and
just plain nothing everywhere
she called me an absolute breath of fresh air
but she was underwater
and god were my eyes heavy enough to sink a stage
cut and strangle my losses with garrote wire

she gets me!
and yet
she's a thousand miles away and married to a paperweight
chemistry is meant for classrooms, baby
this is my church


*Written in an empty lounge on a train travelling from Sanford, FL to Lorton, VA.